someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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