how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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