I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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