Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
