She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
