I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bring me that man meat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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