i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
