Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
