he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
