i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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