you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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