she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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