You work out of a Hotel?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
