So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
