i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
