I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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