Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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