I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
