Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
