I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
