I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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