saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
