Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
