Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
