a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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