I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
