Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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