sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
