You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
