Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
