too bad you live with your parents still
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
