Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
