How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
