i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
