So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
