8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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