I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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