I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
