I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
