Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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