i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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