Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
