D3 body, D1 cock
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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