I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
