I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
