areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The struggles of a small town man whore
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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