Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
