Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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