In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
