we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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