I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
